HomeCyclingSmarten Up And Dumb It Again Down – Bike Snob NYC

Smarten Up And Dumb It Again Down – Bike Snob NYC

VanMoof bicycles have all the time made information.

In 2011, then-general supervisor Jasmijn Rijcken alleged that an NYPD officer stopped her on the Brooklyn Bridge for biking in a skirt:

On the time lots of people thought this was a publicity stunt–me included–although on reflection I type of really feel dangerous about that since possibly the NYPD officer was hitting on her and one ought to by no means underestimate how sleazy males could be. However, I nonetheless blame VanMoof, who had very a lot been utilizing intercourse to promote bicycles, and who previous to that had despatched me this e-mail, which nonetheless offers me the douche chills:

Right here’s the video, by the best way:

So I don’t know what to imagine, besides that Willemeike and that NYPD officer ought to most likely hit it off.

Then in 2016 VanMoof debuted their “Good Bike.” They have been actually among the many first corporations to include all types of digital know-how into their bikes, and I used to be actually among the many first to level out that this was silly:

Subsequent, in 2021, VanMoof introduced the “Hyperbike:”

Unsurprisingly, ‘roided-out e-bikes did completely nothing to switch automobiles, however they’re doing a implausible job of destroying the bike lane community–even in Amsterdam, apparently:

All of that is to say that I’m not precisely damaged up over VanMoof’s current chapter, and whereas I hate to say I advised you so…nicely, when you purchased certainly one of these items and now remorse it, sorry, however I advised you so:

I imply look, it sucks to spend a lot of cash on a flowery e-bike after which must journey 90 miles to see a “Bike Physician:”

However there’s a strategy to keep away from that, and it’s NOT BUYING A BICYCLE THAT RUNS ON FUCKING BATTERIES.

It’s a automotive alternative till something goes improper with it, then it’s a highway journey.

Hey, I’ve stated it earlier than, however it bears repeating: The bicycle is essentially the most environment friendly type of transport ever devised by humankind, and it makes about as a lot sense to complicate it with batteries and electronics because it does to make a “good broom:”

And sure, after all you should buy a wise broom:

It’s 2024 and also you now want an battery-powered broom and an tutorial video to simply sweep a couple of bits of paper up off the ground:

Now that’s progress.

As for me, all my bike are dumb, not good, and that’s the best way I prefer it:

This weekend I headed out for a 30-mile journey into the “nation” (suburbs), after which straight again into city to run an errand, and I couldn’t have requested for something extra out of this bike, least of all a battery that requires a Bike Physician and an built-in climate alert:

Certain, I’m getting older, and possibly in the future I’ll want that e-assist, however for now if I need to make life simpler for myself I’ll simply journey a step-thru:

I don’t sometimes learn the feedback on YouTube movies I’m in, however I couldn’t assist however discover this one:

I don’t know if he’s severe or not, however there are individuals who assume this fashion, which is ironic as a result of have you ever checked out a mountain bike not too long ago?

Not solely is the highest tube simply as little as any mixte, however it additionally has soft shock absorbers throughout it so you’re feeling as little as attainable it doesn’t matter what you’re using, and even a seat that goes up and down so that you don’t harm your widdwe pee-pee.

However, you realize, someway this can be a MAN’S BIKE, as a result of it’s for SHREDDING and SENDING IT or one thing, regardless that each of these verbs sound like they need to apply to stuff you’d purchase at Staples.


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